As most of you know by now, the team at Car Free Days is involved in an outright crusade to drive less and ride more. So far it’s been great. We’ve been riding (our Xtracycles and Anne’s Oma, mostly) nearly everywhere we need to go.
Those of you adept at reading through the lines, however, have probably noticed a little discord along the way. There was our son’s brush with hypothermia on the New Years cargo bike ride. There were challenging logistics for a 10pm wedding reception in Auburn. And we still get grief for the 50″ Plasma we scratched the crap out of hauling it home from Costco on the Xtracycles. And yes, the hills. Always the damn hills.
In many cases, my friends, pure people power isn’t the only answer.
We’ve dabbled with the idea of powering our Xtracycles with a Stokemonkey. Everyone we know who’s used one loves it. And Todd at Clever Cycles is a total peach. Really, the Stokemonkey is a perfect product, save one major shortcoming: They run on electricity. Franky, we just can’t condone the wasteful use of electrons wondering if perhaps a salmon got trapped behind a dam or a seagull met its demise at the blade of a wind turbine.
Though people can overlook such negatives, we at Car Free Days like to think our moral junk is of a stiffer quality than average. So that’s meant schellping our damn kids up the damn hills on our damn bikes with only our damn legs to thank.
Recently Car Free Days made the discovery of a miraculous device that allows us to pedal along in a continuing a cloud of self-righteousness, while also adding a cloud of another sort.
Pretty impressive, eh? Todd wants, what, at least a couple hundred bucks for one of those Stokemonkees and you still need to come up with all that dangerous electricity on your own. Check out the bottom line and you’ll see these leaf-blower retrofits are much more befitting of these tough economic times: $139.99 (plus shipping and handling) for the entire 80cc kit. And for you real bargain shoppers and/orHuffy riders there’s a 50cc kit that will save you another $10.
Some of you will probably say that this solution, too, has some negatives . Yes, it’s gas powered. But it only uses a little bit. Like a 20 oz Mountain Dew bottle worth (which also doubles as a handy “reserve tank”) every week or so. That’s practically nothing. In fact, in keeping with the spirit of the way processed foods are allowed to say they contain no trans fats when they really do, I’m just going to say this uses no gas at all.
And some of you will probably jump on board that “pollution” bandwagon, too. Yes, it’s true a little blue haze might follow you on your errands. But just keep a bottle of Fabreeze Febreze® handy or rub some dryer sheets through your hair (after removing your helmet, of course), and no one will realize the smell is coming from you.
And besides, it’s EPA certified—or at least the exhaust pipe is. Would the EPA really allow us to put something dangerous for the environment on our bicycles? I think not.
Now enough of this justification nonsense. Instead of bickering, let’s together enjoy one more idyllic video. I think you’ll agree the clean, quiet future of the Car Free Days family is going to be pretty special.
Save Money. Live Better
You probably realize the Car Free Days family has a bit of an activist streak. Since we started this blog we’ve been pushing for better bike racks, signage, and helped grow participataton in youth cycling. So don’t think we’re going to stop advocating for two-wheels now. We’re just going to be doing it a little faster, if you know what we mean.
Imagine if half the kids at the local elementary school were able to retrofit their bikes for more efficiency and speed. Just think of how that would jazz up the traditional Cascade Bicycle Club youth bike rodeo! Right now, the only obstacle is cost.
Sure, $140 seems like a bargain for two-wheel nearly pedal-less freedom, but not if you are in second grade. That’s a lot of cash for an 8 year old. Suppose, though, we could get Wal*mart or Sam’s Club on board? I’d bet their superior supply chain and offshore manufacturing could drive costs down to the point that no one would have to pedal ever again.
In fact, in my dream world, I’d help start a club—think auto shop for the NetGen—where we’d help these lucky tweens customize their rides while developing some real-world engineering chops and mad bike handling skillz. Hey, Kelli Jones and your science-fair winning volcano: Kiss my 80cc ass!
Of course, innovation requires flexibility. For example if the price of Fabreeze Febreze® spikes or it turns out the Xtracycle frame isn’t up to the power of a tuned exhaust, we might just have to revist last year’s Escalade idea.
Forget these headwinds – send one my way!
I really like your blog but this is a bit silly. You prefer a dirty 2-cycle engine over the clean power that comes from a wind turbine? Conscientious homeowners are buying 4-cycle products to take care of their lawns because they are a lot cleaner… at least you could go that route.
Errr I know sarcasm is pretty negative stuff but I hope that’s what you’re ‘peddling’ here!
you’re being funny again right???
I know the temptation must be there to just coast along but…
By the way has anyone written a review on the inefficiency and net social capital loss produced by the infamous leaf blower?
That must be the worst invention of the 20th century!
Fortunately I noticed the date…
Oh no, you nearly got me.
Excellent! We should all get one. Just think of the next group ride. No more of that idle chit-chat, while chains softly whir. Just the manly roar of burning hydrocarbons!
Not bad, but you’re still thinking small. Go for broke, get one of these: http://tinyurl.com/6gunav Serious thrills, damn the hills, and just imagine the faces of the drivers left behind in your wake!
Now you’re talking. I assume you’ll be mounting these on your kids’ bikes too. If you can’t get them to work on smaller bikes, at least your hill-pushing technique will get a needed boost – instead of steering your little guy into the bushes, you could push him over the bushes, through the bay window, and into somebody’s living room with one of these suckers!
I hope do you tune your pipes a bit. Maybe a dual coffee-can exhaust?
It’s like looking straight into the future. Without the unitards.
A pulse jet would be better. Louder, runs longer, provides its own lighting and the possibility for a really good burn. http://tinyurl.com/6puekm
ha! Love it!
Thanks for the good laugh. I needed that!
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